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kiramaru7Lifeline
By kira
Author’s note: The following is based on some RP’s Kat and I have going…
For Kat…
Bernhard looked at the old photograph Amber had given him. He stared at the blurred, faded image of man and woman with two kids and smiled sadly. Flipping it over, he read the inscription on the back. I love you, Bernd. He sighed softly, the tears welling up in his eyes again. I wish I could stop hurting, Amber… I hate feeling this way all the time and I hate that dumbass therapist! It’s all her fault I feel like this! Bernhard angrily wiped at the tears that spilled down his cheeks. I hate it that you and Vati make me go! I know Muti’s never coming back! I accepted that a long time ago… He put the photograph down on his bedside table and turned off the light. Hugging his pillow, Bernhard sobbed softly into it. He wished Amber was here with him so he could hold her as he fell into a fitful sleep and he regretted his decision, telling her to sleep in her own room tonight.
His brother Dieter was coming back from the bathroom when he heard it, the soft sounds of Bernhard crying in the middle of the night. It was not the first time his brother cried himself to sleep and Dieter knew it was not going to be the last for a while, but he could not help feeling spiteful about it. His brother had memories of their mother, enough it seemed to mourn her loss, which had happened some fifteen years ago, all over again. Dieter, being a baby when she died, had no such memories. It had always been him, his brother and their father and by extension their father’s best friend, his grandsons, and the two foster kids he eventually adopted. And then there was Amber and her twin brother, James, who had wandered into their lives a few months after his mother had died, or so everyone said. She not only mothered him as he was growing up, but on some level his brother as well, and Bernhard was so head over heels in love with her it worried their father, until she set them straight.
He stood outside his brother’s room, debating whether or not to knock. Sometimes Bernhard was receptive and let him in, other times he cursed him out in German until Vati woke up and got involved. Bernhard’s crying tonight sounded so pitiful, that Dieter took a chance and knocked softly. “Bernd? Can I come in?”
Bernhard was tempted to go tell him to get lost, but he was feeling lonely and he craved another’s presence. “Ja…” he called out softly.
Dieter opened the door and stepped inside. He padded softly across the floor to his brother’s bed. Lifting the blankets, he crawled inside and snuggled up next to his brother. “You okay?”
“Nein…”
Dieter hated it whenever his brother spoke German unless they were in Berlin visiting their cousins, who ironically spoke English as well as they did. German meant tears of rage and verbal fights with Vati or physical ones the neighborhood children until Bernhard got older. Towheaded to the point of his hair being nearly white as well as being small for his age, Bernhard was always an easy target for teasing, so the pent up hurt feelings and rage were second nature to him, until he met James. Now he had someone to not only protect him from the taunts, but James taught him how to kick ass literally. Now the two of them were doing their best to toughen Dieter up, not that he really needed it. At six feet, Dieter was a hundred and seventy five pounds of pure muscle, unlike his wiry and shorter older brother.
“Brüder?”
Bernhard rolled over to face him. “Didi…” he sobbed. Bernhard hated when the depression hit him. It was always a few days after a painful session, talking about his late mother and his girlfriend, and how much he envied and pitied his baby brother, who had no memories of her, and his issues and other assorted nonsense that Bernhard wished he did not have to talk about. He was stilled pissed the bitch had interrogated him about his pink hair, spending the whole session harping about it, when Bernhard wanted to discuss why he was feeling so depressed he wanted to die. That had led to a huge blow-out with his father and minor one with Amber when he got home, along with a couple of hours spent locked in the bathroom, contemplating suicide. At nineteen, he was hurting so badly that he felt the only way to escape that pain and anguish was to end it all, before eventually leaving the bathroom, and sleeping the rest of the day away.
Dieter wrapped his arms around him, pulling his brother close. He made soft comforting sounds while Bernhard cried himself out. He was surprised at how gaunt his brother really was and made a mental note to ask Amber to try to get him to eat more. Even though his brother had become difficult to deal with and be around, he still loved him. “Feel better now? Or you want me to go get Amber?”’
Bernhard nodded. “Stay, Didi.”
“Okay.” As they lay there together, Dieter was reminded of all the times he had crawled into bed with his brother, after having a bad dream. Tired as he was, he figured this was some sort of cosmic pay back and he forced himself to stay awake for Bernhard’s sake. The silence stretched between them and Dieter was wondering if his brother had finally fallen asleep when he spoke.
“You awake, Didi?”
“Yeah…”
“You wanna see something?” Bernhard shifted so that he could look up at him.
“Sure. You want me to turn on the light?”
“Nein… I like the dark,” he said, leaving Dieter to wonder what he meant by that. Bernhard reached across his brother to the faded photograph that lay on his bedside table. Holding it reverently, he carefully sat up in the darkness. “Sit up,” he told his brother. When Dieter complied, he handed him the photo.
Dieter stared at the fuzzy images. “Who are they?”
“That’s me and Amber and our kids, you know, when we’re older.” Bernard smiled. That old photograph had become his lifeline. Even though it often made him feel sad as it conjured up feelings of inadequacy and reminded him of how much he felt Amber deserved better, it gave him hope that they would have a future together once they graduated and he had dealt with his issues.
Dieter snorted. “Yeah?” He grinned.
“Yup! Amber said she took it when she was little, I don’t know if you remember when Vati gave her a camera for her birthday or not, but she used to take pictures of everything! She told me when she gave me this, it was some couple she saw in the park and she took their picture. It’s kinda funny how the woman has dark curly hair and the guy’s a blond and look at their kids, they’ve got curly blond hair!” Bernhard enthused in a harsh whisper. He took the photo back from his brother. “Its’ the only thing that keeps me sane, Brüder… Now I know I’ve got a future to look forward to.” He looked at his brother, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “We really are going to get married and I’m going to finish school and graduate and get a good job, a real job, and we’ll have kids.” He grinned. “They’ll call you ‘Onkel Didi’ and James, ‘Onkel James’ and then there’s Onkel Cesare,” he snorted, “and little Valentino will be called ‘Onkel Tino’, and Tio Julio, cuz you know Julio will teach our kids how to speak Spanish,” Bernhard rambled on, “and your favorite, Onkle Denis! And they’ll call Vati ‘Opa’ and Onkle Luigi they’ll call ‘Nonno’ and maybe he’ll teach them Italian too and…” he trailed off; lost in his fantasy of the life he would have with Amber when he got better.
Dieter put an arm around him. “That’s’ awesome, Brüder. I’m very happy for you.” He briefly leaned on his brother. “But it’s late and we need to go sleep.” Dieter stifled a yawn as he moved to get out of bed.
“Yeah… I know,” Bernhard reached over to put the photograph back on his other bedside table. “Didi?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you stay here and sleep with me? Like we used to when we were little?”
Something about Bernhard’s tone tore at his heart. “Okay,” Dieter said as he lay back down and got comfortable. He chuckled softly when Bernhard snuggled up next to him, although, he realized his brother must have been in a bad place if he was feeling that needy. Wrapping his arms around him, Dieter closed his eyes. “Süße Träum, Brüder,” he said softly in German. Sweet dreams…
“You too…”
By kira
Author’s note: The following is based on some RP’s Kat and I have going…
For Kat…
Bernhard looked at the old photograph Amber had given him. He stared at the blurred, faded image of man and woman with two kids and smiled sadly. Flipping it over, he read the inscription on the back. I love you, Bernd. He sighed softly, the tears welling up in his eyes again. I wish I could stop hurting, Amber… I hate feeling this way all the time and I hate that dumbass therapist! It’s all her fault I feel like this! Bernhard angrily wiped at the tears that spilled down his cheeks. I hate it that you and Vati make me go! I know Muti’s never coming back! I accepted that a long time ago… He put the photograph down on his bedside table and turned off the light. Hugging his pillow, Bernhard sobbed softly into it. He wished Amber was here with him so he could hold her as he fell into a fitful sleep and he regretted his decision, telling her to sleep in her own room tonight.
His brother Dieter was coming back from the bathroom when he heard it, the soft sounds of Bernhard crying in the middle of the night. It was not the first time his brother cried himself to sleep and Dieter knew it was not going to be the last for a while, but he could not help feeling spiteful about it. His brother had memories of their mother, enough it seemed to mourn her loss, which had happened some fifteen years ago, all over again. Dieter, being a baby when she died, had no such memories. It had always been him, his brother and their father and by extension their father’s best friend, his grandsons, and the two foster kids he eventually adopted. And then there was Amber and her twin brother, James, who had wandered into their lives a few months after his mother had died, or so everyone said. She not only mothered him as he was growing up, but on some level his brother as well, and Bernhard was so head over heels in love with her it worried their father, until she set them straight.
He stood outside his brother’s room, debating whether or not to knock. Sometimes Bernhard was receptive and let him in, other times he cursed him out in German until Vati woke up and got involved. Bernhard’s crying tonight sounded so pitiful, that Dieter took a chance and knocked softly. “Bernd? Can I come in?”
Bernhard was tempted to go tell him to get lost, but he was feeling lonely and he craved another’s presence. “Ja…” he called out softly.
Dieter opened the door and stepped inside. He padded softly across the floor to his brother’s bed. Lifting the blankets, he crawled inside and snuggled up next to his brother. “You okay?”
“Nein…”
Dieter hated it whenever his brother spoke German unless they were in Berlin visiting their cousins, who ironically spoke English as well as they did. German meant tears of rage and verbal fights with Vati or physical ones the neighborhood children until Bernhard got older. Towheaded to the point of his hair being nearly white as well as being small for his age, Bernhard was always an easy target for teasing, so the pent up hurt feelings and rage were second nature to him, until he met James. Now he had someone to not only protect him from the taunts, but James taught him how to kick ass literally. Now the two of them were doing their best to toughen Dieter up, not that he really needed it. At six feet, Dieter was a hundred and seventy five pounds of pure muscle, unlike his wiry and shorter older brother.
“Brüder?”
Bernhard rolled over to face him. “Didi…” he sobbed. Bernhard hated when the depression hit him. It was always a few days after a painful session, talking about his late mother and his girlfriend, and how much he envied and pitied his baby brother, who had no memories of her, and his issues and other assorted nonsense that Bernhard wished he did not have to talk about. He was stilled pissed the bitch had interrogated him about his pink hair, spending the whole session harping about it, when Bernhard wanted to discuss why he was feeling so depressed he wanted to die. That had led to a huge blow-out with his father and minor one with Amber when he got home, along with a couple of hours spent locked in the bathroom, contemplating suicide. At nineteen, he was hurting so badly that he felt the only way to escape that pain and anguish was to end it all, before eventually leaving the bathroom, and sleeping the rest of the day away.
Dieter wrapped his arms around him, pulling his brother close. He made soft comforting sounds while Bernhard cried himself out. He was surprised at how gaunt his brother really was and made a mental note to ask Amber to try to get him to eat more. Even though his brother had become difficult to deal with and be around, he still loved him. “Feel better now? Or you want me to go get Amber?”’
Bernhard nodded. “Stay, Didi.”
“Okay.” As they lay there together, Dieter was reminded of all the times he had crawled into bed with his brother, after having a bad dream. Tired as he was, he figured this was some sort of cosmic pay back and he forced himself to stay awake for Bernhard’s sake. The silence stretched between them and Dieter was wondering if his brother had finally fallen asleep when he spoke.
“You awake, Didi?”
“Yeah…”
“You wanna see something?” Bernhard shifted so that he could look up at him.
“Sure. You want me to turn on the light?”
“Nein… I like the dark,” he said, leaving Dieter to wonder what he meant by that. Bernhard reached across his brother to the faded photograph that lay on his bedside table. Holding it reverently, he carefully sat up in the darkness. “Sit up,” he told his brother. When Dieter complied, he handed him the photo.
Dieter stared at the fuzzy images. “Who are they?”
“That’s me and Amber and our kids, you know, when we’re older.” Bernard smiled. That old photograph had become his lifeline. Even though it often made him feel sad as it conjured up feelings of inadequacy and reminded him of how much he felt Amber deserved better, it gave him hope that they would have a future together once they graduated and he had dealt with his issues.
Dieter snorted. “Yeah?” He grinned.
“Yup! Amber said she took it when she was little, I don’t know if you remember when Vati gave her a camera for her birthday or not, but she used to take pictures of everything! She told me when she gave me this, it was some couple she saw in the park and she took their picture. It’s kinda funny how the woman has dark curly hair and the guy’s a blond and look at their kids, they’ve got curly blond hair!” Bernhard enthused in a harsh whisper. He took the photo back from his brother. “Its’ the only thing that keeps me sane, Brüder… Now I know I’ve got a future to look forward to.” He looked at his brother, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “We really are going to get married and I’m going to finish school and graduate and get a good job, a real job, and we’ll have kids.” He grinned. “They’ll call you ‘Onkel Didi’ and James, ‘Onkel James’ and then there’s Onkel Cesare,” he snorted, “and little Valentino will be called ‘Onkel Tino’, and Tio Julio, cuz you know Julio will teach our kids how to speak Spanish,” Bernhard rambled on, “and your favorite, Onkle Denis! And they’ll call Vati ‘Opa’ and Onkle Luigi they’ll call ‘Nonno’ and maybe he’ll teach them Italian too and…” he trailed off; lost in his fantasy of the life he would have with Amber when he got better.
Dieter put an arm around him. “That’s’ awesome, Brüder. I’m very happy for you.” He briefly leaned on his brother. “But it’s late and we need to go sleep.” Dieter stifled a yawn as he moved to get out of bed.
“Yeah… I know,” Bernhard reached over to put the photograph back on his other bedside table. “Didi?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you stay here and sleep with me? Like we used to when we were little?”
Something about Bernhard’s tone tore at his heart. “Okay,” Dieter said as he lay back down and got comfortable. He chuckled softly when Bernhard snuggled up next to him, although, he realized his brother must have been in a bad place if he was feeling that needy. Wrapping his arms around him, Dieter closed his eyes. “Süße Träum, Brüder,” he said softly in German. Sweet dreams…
“You too…”
