kiramaru7 | One Hell of a Butler...

The following came out a comment convo I was having with Sensei about Sebastian, cats & Ciel's bottom. Enjoy this lil bit of crack! ;p

One hell of a butler…

By kira

For Sensei with love and laughs…

The rather seedy looking old man handed the tall impeccably dressed butler a softly mewling bundle of fur. Both grinned knowingly at the other, before disappearing into the night. Sebastian clutched the tiny kitten close as he hurried out of the alleyway into the dingy underground of London’s streets at night. A few minutes later, the demon and his latest acquisition were home, with none-the-wiser as to his absence because he was one hell of a butler.

A saucer of milk and a bit of chicken from tonight’s meal and the kitten, now named “Princess Puffikins,” was purring contently in his arms as he headed towards his room. There, Sebastian set her down on his bed, before changing into his nightshirt. He joined her minutes later, and as he lay there, Sebastian thought gleefully how silly these humans were, but like a good demon he knew a bargain when he saw one. For the price of a cat, he would arrange for the young master to be in an area where he could get groped, quite “accidentally” as it were, by all sorts of old men, from drunkards in back alleys, to the local vicar, even the newspaper boy wanted a piece of his Bo-chan’s arse. Tomorrow he would deliver like he always did, for he was one hell of a butler.

And when the time came, it was so easy to steer his young master down the dark alley towards the old man. Even better was the look of disgust on his Bo-chan’s face when he groped him. But the best part, besides the all the cats, was getting to “brush” the filth off his young master’s bottom. Sebastian had the feeling that if he brushed long enough, he would have his Bo-chan purring louder than Princess Puffikins. But he kept such naughty thoughts to himself; there was time enough to play with his food when they got home. He suspected that was the reason he got to keep his fluffy charges, but conceit over his household management skills had him telling himself that was because he was one hell of a butler.

By now, these groping sessions, that were once few and far between, had escalated to the point that even the queen wanted a quick pat on her watchdog’s tight little bottom. It was not only getting harder to keep up with the demand, but apparently the extras cats could not be left at the townhouse due that obnoxious prince’s alleged allergy to them. Only his friendship with Agni kept Sebastian from shipping them there anyway. Still, there the was the growing problem of his room smelling like a catbox, not to mention Bard’s incessant pleading to try his hand at using them to make a dish called “General Tsao’s Chicken.” Sebastian had a good mind to bash Lau’s head in for suggesting it, but then again, Ran-Mao was a cat of a different stripe and besides, she thought he was one hell of a butler too.

So with a heavy heart that could only be assuaged by playing with his food in the bath, Sebastian put a stop to groping sessions. There were simply way too many dirty old men and naughty spinsters who wanted a piece of his Bo-chan’s perky little bottom. The cats be damned, he would have to take on the duty of groping himself, not that he minded, for he was one hell of butler…