*sighs*

[kiramaru7]

kira needs a break from all the nonsense that's been going on around here. As of now, I'm not going to eb writing for any of the contest comms I belong. I've heard too many stories about funkiness with the voting that's taken the joy out of winning the few times that I did.

I feel a deep depression coming on, cuz my writing is getting darker & more angsty, and as a result I'm not enjoying it as much. And what's worse, I can't believe how many people can't be bothered to reciprocate with comments. Not that I'm a review whore, although it sounds like it, but I took the time to read their stuff & leave a comment, yet all I seem to get is a thank you, if I'm lucky and nothing else, as if it's okay to spend my time but not theirs. As a result I don't feel like commenting at all now or reading anything or even participating any more.

I feel meh... mostly because I'm tired of the wankage, tired of the politics & arse kissing, tired of people thinking they're better than everyone else & starting crap because of it & just plain tired... So I'm going to be selfish & go solo for a while. It's the only way I know of to deal with all the crap around here...

Comments

[tasukigirl78.livejournal.com]

*gives you a gigantic hug* You know I am here for you :)

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*huggles you back* I know you are. I feel like you are the only one who is.

[tasukigirl78.livejournal.com]

I totally can understand where you are coming from! I hate seeing you depressed and hurt.

[furousha.livejournal.com]

*luffs* all that crap comes with contest comms and fic writing in general, it sucks. <333

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*nods* and I hate it.

[enemytosleep]

I'm sorry to hear you're backing out of the comms for a while/ :( You really are one of the most active readers/reviewers out there and I enjoy hearing what you have to say about a fic. Hopefully a little time off will let you clear your head and come back to us...I'll miss you!

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

I try & I feel unappreciated not by anyone who repsonded here, but by people who aren't friends whose fics i take the tiem to read & all I get is thansk... Like everyone is supposed tio read what they write, but you rarely see them reciprocating. And with all the wankage at the contest comms I've had enough. I hear things that I'd rather not repeat & it's taking all the fun out of it.
I love the stuff I've read, don't get me wrong, but I ahve the feeling that unless your friends with certain peoepl, they feel they don't have to give any feedback. And it's frustrating.

[enemytosleep]

I totally understand what you're saying and have noticed some patterns myself. I try not to take things personally and have fun, but I can see it getting draining (especially since I seem to be out of the loop on the wankage...which I intend to stay uninformed). I hope you'll continue to write and share with us. *hugs*

[salomesensei.livejournal.com]

Very sad to read this kind of post -- from you or anyone. If anything you say here relates to me or either of the comms I run, please feel free to discuss it with me if you feel comfortable. I'd want to know. I had not heard of any voting "funkiness" anywhere, but maybe I'm out of the loop (haven't written much for comms lately, including mine).

Like you, I'm tired of the wank and the politics and it seems to swell and ebb around here. Anyhow, you'll be missed but take care of yourself as best you know how. I'll miss your Jak.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

It has nothing to do with you and I'm not going to repeat anything I've ehard, becasue what I've ehard just amkes me feel sick, so why pass that on to someone else & have them feel just as miserable, plus I don't knwo how much truth there is behind what I've heard, so I've decided it ends here. I have just reached a point where I've had it & I don't want to hear it any more. I just want a wank free zone.

I just need some time away. I'll still eb writing & posting to my non-contest comms, becasue i'm hoping there won't be any wankage there...

I'm already missing your Ban... *sighs*

[salomesensei.livejournal.com]

Thanks for letting me know this. My Ban is here, and I hope you know the fun RP and flirtation is genuine. I wouldn't do it if I weren't enjoying it. Comment and bring me your Jak anytime, Sweetness.

*sigh* I'm just beginning to hear bits and pieces of gossip and dissing of me and Iyhed and it hurts, I can't deny it. I don't blame you for wanting out of the middle. I can only let my record stand for me. I read, I comment whenever I can...from friends' LJs and fics to ppl I've never met at multiple comms. Slowing down recently bc lots of work (not writing much either) but dammit I am the nice person you think I am (or I hope you think I am) and this is all tearing me up. So again, I understand why you want/need to hide. I'm seriously considering it myself.

[plumespixie.livejournal.com]

I wanted to let you know that this week I have been VERY sick, so not only did I not comment on others entries, but I did not even reply to my comments made on MY fic in Ihed.

I haven't had the time/energy to put into my friendships that my friends DESERVE, and for that I not only apologize, but I feel VERY guilty.

I am BLESSED to have friends that are very understanding of my medical or health issues...

Please, I hope you know how much I DO value and love you - and PLEASE do not take my lack of interaction personally. It has nothing to do with YOU, or a lack of appreciation for YOU or YOUR WRITING, its all about the fact that I can barely keep myself awake for 6 hours a day.

Please don't be mad at me, I will seriously CRY :`(

<3333333333
PP

[enemytosleep]

I had this sinking feeling that you were under the weather Pixie-chan. :( *hugs softly*

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

I understand you've been sick, *huggles* Pixie-chan, & I feel we're friends enough that if I ahd a problem with you I could come to you privately 7 discuss it with you. I'm just irritated with all the rumours & inuendoI've been hearing, I don't knwo what's true & what's not & I'm tired of it. I'm also tired of the fact that after making a good effort to read stuff & post comments, the same 3, 4 people leave commentss on my work. So I'm not angry with you & I'm not angry Izzi, I'm just annoyed that I take tiem, tiem i coul;d use to be writing or doing soemthing else to read someone'sa work & not just one fic, but everything they've posted, but all they have tiome to do is say thanks, & mayeb if i'm lucky, I get a small convo out of them. But not once have they come over & looked at anything I've written. It si becasue I ahevn't friended them, they can't be bothered? Or what? With exception of one pairing that I cannot bring myself to read, I've read other pairings I wasn't that keen on & still commented. So unless I'm writing the apiring form hell, I don't get why they can't be bothered & it hurts, gives me a low opinion of them (which I hate because I try to see the good in everyone, until they prove they are a complete & utter shithead. >.>)and it just so freustrating & it's got me really feeling down. I cna barely type this...So I need a rest... or soemthing. I don't knwo.

[tasukigirl78.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope you feel better Pixie. It sucks being sick. I know I missed seeing you around!

[plumespixie.livejournal.com]

Awww I missed being on and seeing everyone, but you are quickly becoming one of my best friends... I always love to read your updates and your fics!

<3
PP

[mythnlynx.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry if I've been among the guilty. It's been a stressful couple of weeks, with some health and injury issues (don't ask, I feel like a stupid klutz). I haven't even thanked anyone who commented on my last iyhed entry, nor have I commented on any fic recently. I feel like a real heel when I read how sad it's making you and tasuki to get minimal feedback.

I can certainly understand the urge to pull back and reevaluate, especially if there has been wankery occurring. I've been lucky to only be party to the vaguest of rumors, but if voting is in question at some comms, it makes you wonder if you should enter. We all want our writing to be judged on its merits.

Also, at this time of year, when it's Winter for most of us, I know I get the urge to hibernate and just not deal anymore, so it can be tough to reach out.

I just wanted you to know that I do consider you a friend, albeit a very new one, and that I do enjoy your writing. I hope that you will continue writing and posting for your own pleasure, and that you will continue to share with us, even if its not for a contest comm.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*huggles* You're not amongst the guilty & I understand peopel get sick & RL interfers, what I'm upset about are the peopel that I read their stuff, & I get a thank you & maybe a further comment or two, but they never come by & read anything I write. Is it because I haven't friended or what? That's what upset me & tasuki as well. It's very discouraging to when I give feedback & get nothing in return. Granted I'm not writing the msot popular pairing out there, & expecting a 1 for 1 feedback deal is probably asking too much from these peopel, but it would be nice if they commented on 1 thing I did.

I, thankfully ahven't been involved with wankage, but I've things & it really spoils it & puts a downer on something I enjoy. Like maybe I only got this awrad because they wanted to look like things are "fair" not becasue I earned it with my writing. Plus I don't knw how true what's being said is and that bothers me too. The whole is liek being abck in Middle school & high school & I hated school for thsoe reasons. And then there's the whole "I cna't be friends with you ebciase you're friends with them" crap. And that's got me feeling really depressed. So I need tos tep back & just write again becasue I want to, not because I need to get a fci done before this date, & then wondering why it didn't palce when it got nice comments, or when it does did I win fairly or not. *sighs* I'm getting a headache again just thinking about it.

This lack of comments, which I see as a lack of repsect from fellow authors, has been going on for a while, it's not just because it's winter & people just want to hibernate. It's a "I just can't be bother, because you're not as cool as I am" attitude, which leads to tons of wankage.

Thank you, you're one of my frineds here & hopefully we can get to knwo each better or as well as you cna online. I love your writing & I'll happily read it & comment too. I'm going to keep sharing & writing for myself. I might write for the contest prompts, but I'm going to do so for myself on my own tiem with no pressure.

[saraste-impi.livejournal.com]

Aww!*hugsies* I've noticed the same thing, feel very disheartened to write when you don't get any feedback. (Albeit I've been so on/off on LJ that all the wankery has escaped me, somehow...) And that's what us fandom writers live from, really. *sigh* Hope you will feel better and won't get too awfully depressed.

Also, if I may advice a bit, I've found writing anything to be a very good way to vent all those dark emotions into, rather than let them swirl around in my head. But that's just me. Anyway... *hugs more*

I love your writing.

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*huggles* Oh good it's not just me! (You're lucky you missed it. I've only beeen on the fringe edge of it, & it's enough to make me sick.) Feed back is good for an author's soul & when when a fellow author can't be bothered to return the favor, it hurts & that's what upset me & Tasuki so much. WWe comment on just about everything, yet certain peopel can't be bothered to take a few minutes out of their busy lives to do the same. Thanks... I am feeling a little better today now that I've said what was bothering me.

*nods* I know! My last two fics are pretty angsty, one I'm struggling to finish, one's been "published." I think once I get thsi one finished, things will start to look up, I hope. XD

Thanks! I love your stuff too! I esepcially love your icon, it always makes me laugh. *huggles*

[n0t-again.livejournal.com]

If I have contributed in any way to your irritation and funk - please know, I'm terribly sorry. My intentions are good, but my day is too damn short and fractured, working nights - on, off, on, off... I can honestly say I've never meet anyone so quick to offer kind words and happy wishes to some freak like me, whom you don't know at all - everyone I've had the intense pleasure to meet here has been so kind. Perhaps I have spread myself too thin and not been able to function as I should. I really am sorry. :(

Please forgive all the stupid people in the world; they know not what they do - and if they do, well - fuck. You can't live with them and you can't shoot them. Might as well just say hang the sense of it and keep yerself busy... and happy.

Enjoy some time away; scream obscenities at your pillow. It works for me. You know I loves you, girl! ;) Give us a hug...

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

No you haven't. I love your comments & feedback, the one you left for Jka & the snow monkeys about the cold body shuffle made my day! I knwo your nurse & to heard a comment about something I've researched & know it's right feels good. *huggles*

And you're nto a freak at all!! You are a very interesting person who knwos all sorts of cool stuff. Like about Tesla the mad scientist! Taht was sooo cool!! Peopel for the most aprt are really nice here, it's the ones who can't be bopthered to & take kind words & well wishes for granted, are the ones I have issues with.

I know they can't help being an arsefardle & I shouldn't get upset over it, but sometimes I cna't help it & no matter hwo happy I pretend to be, I'm not, so I needed to vent, something I rarely do.

So I'm just going to go at my own pace, find the joy I've lost & give your fic a happy ending. ;p

*sniffles* I love you roo, n0t-chan! *huggles-glomps you*

[mythnlynx.livejournal.com]

You can't live with them and you can't shoot them.

Ooh, but can we roast them on a spit??? Can we, can we? ^_~

[jinxy-sama.livejournal.com]

Awww, I completely understand your feelings. I've kinda decided to bow out until the 'scandal' and such blows over. I'm sending much luff and my favorite machete. :) Feel better, Sweetie. *GLOMP*

[kiramaru7.livejournal.com]

*huggles* thanks... yeah... I'm taking a week off from thinsg 7 hopefully the wankage will be gone by then.